“Ocean swimming is a glamour sport”

Said nobody, ever.

Between caps and goggles and lycra outfits that cover the bare essentials, not to mention the joy of the wetsuit dance, and apres-swim requirements, I’m guilty of many, many crimes against fashion. I admit it, I’m a repeat offender.

There is one thing, though, that stands in a class of it’s own. The wardrobe malfunction. I imagine it’s possible for guys, but I’ve not come across it. Just about every girl, though has a story about it, and almost everyone has been witness to a bad one. I personally was subjected to a particularly bad case in the North Bondi Roughwater last week. I was swimming alongside a woman in what looked like a perfectly sensible speedo one-piece who was completely oblivious to the fact that every time I I breathed to my left I was copping full view of well, ummm, let’s just say it was a Janet Jackson superbowl moment. I kept thinking surely she would realise…I didn’t really want to stop, but eventually I tapped her one the shoulder and gasped “fix your swimmers!”

She thanked me and adjusted as though she had a wedgie. *Sigh*

This is an unfortunate problem with ocean swimming. I think is has to do with the fact that there are currents and waves and other swimmers jostling. And most ladies swimmers are either made with fashion or pool-swimming in mind.

There are a couple of exceptions, though. I’ve raved about Funkitas here before. They are awesome swimmers with awesome patterns, and they are comfortable and *ahem* secure, and last well. The other swimmers I now recommend are Minnows. These are made by the gorgeous (and super-fast) Immie who swims with me at 4SEASons. She made our very special 4SEASons swimmers, modeled below by yours truly (in the middle)!

4 SEASons swimmers

4 SEASons swimmers


The Minnows feel different when you put them on. They have a very high cross strap at the back; basically across your shoulder blades. This combined with smaller armholes means the risk of a wardrobe malfunction is substantially reduced. Plus the material is really soft and stretchy which makes them super comfortable (and non-chafing!). They really are made by an ocean swimmer for ocean swimmers.

So if that woman from North Bondi happens to be reading….no more excuses!